pizza chain – Inherently Funny!

I am Tired

April 5, 2019March 25, 2021 by Inherently Funny Guy!, posted in Pizza Delivery Stories!

After almost 4 months, I’m thinking of quitting my side hustle. I have partially achieved my main goal, and in between achieved my smaller goals. It’s been a good experience overall. I have to say since the season changed, I’m noticing a decline in orders as well. I mean the weather is nice and people usually go for a walk or jog between 5 to 7 pm. There is no football on TV, and I think these two factors contribute to the decline in trips and tips.

Speaking of tips, I want to mention something here. I know when people place an order for delivery, we change them, I think, $2.50 for delivery. Despite the note under their receipt saying “any delivery charge is not a tip paid to your driver.” I think some people still think that’s an automatic tip to the driver, so they don’t tip – keep that in mind next time you order delivery.

Anyway, that’s why I’m quitting. Working two jobs makes me so tired. I couldn’t make it to the gym lately and I can see its effects on my body and health. Money is good and the more is better! Yet, there are other things in life that matter. I’m glad I did that, yet I think it’s time to leave. It is also sad, that I recently got my 10th follower, now I’m going to abandon you guys – so fucking sad, right?

My wife wants me to text the manager and quit now! But I told her, I want to leave on a good term. I’ll go on Tuesday and let him know that I can work until Friday. Well, that’s my plan. I’ll let you know if I changed it. And Thank you guys, for reading this.

People Who Don’t Tip

January 23, 2019March 25, 2021 by Inherently Funny Guy!, posted in Pizza Delivery Stories!

First of all, and to be clear, I was one of those people against tipping. I always tipped because society says I have to, yet I believed servers are working for the restaurants and the owner should pay them enough. They are not my/customers’ employees and you and I shouldn’t be responsible for their income – it is not fair. Also, me being a Quentin Tarantino die hard fan I used to quote Mr. Pink in this opening scene from Reservoir Dogs. Also, did you know that Americans tip at restaurants has rooted in slavery?

Alright, I don’t want to argue about tipping, I tip and so should you; end of story! Here’s a secret about me, this pizza delivery job, is my first ever job in food industry. Yes, I never ever worked in a restaurant, because I dislike it. How did I survived college? Well, I had on-campus and off-campus jobs, but never applied/interested in restaurants/fast food and food business in general.

A year or maybe two years ago when I did Uber, Uber just added tip option to its app. Some folks did tip me even before that option, and I liked it – no shit! Having said all of these, the people who work in food and restaurant business full-time, and they make a living off of tips, should always respect and follow this unwritten law. I mean they should know better, right?

I got this order one rainy night, and when I put the address on my phone I noticed it is IHOP! Again, it was a new customer, but was paid by credit card. Usually when people pay with cards, they have the option to add tips at the time of order or tip when they receive the order at the time of delivery. In this case, they didn’t tip when they ordered, which is perfectly normal.

Long story short, I arrived and called the phone number. I told the guy that I’m outside, and should I walk in from the main entrance or maybe kitchen door? He didn’t know about the order, but I heard someone’s voice who told him that they ordered pizza and he told me that he’ll be out in a second.

I saw him walking out, and I got out of my car, got the pizza out and gave him the receipt to sign. He autographed it and gave it back to me. They had ordered five pizzas and the total was about $35. I was thinking they’d probably tipped me $5. I got back to my car, and looked at signed receipt and my tip was $0.00; I’m not fucking kidding.

I was upset, and I was thinking, they are living off of tips, hence they should know better. I wasn’t late, I was very professional. I’m not sure why they did that, but I wasn’t pleased.

Church Parking Lot

January 18, 2019March 25, 2021 by Inherently Funny Guy!, posted in Pizza Delivery Stories!

I got this order, new customer, cell phone with an out of state area code, and it was cash order. Great! According to the training videos and in situations like this, either I or who ever got the order are supposed to call back to confirm the address and the order. Look at it as a security check, make sense right? But nobody does that. We are busy man, we don’t have time to call back.

I put the address to my GPS, and I usually check the area on the GPS to see where am I heading. I realized the address is a church, but I thought well this is around Christmas and church people gotta eat as well, nothing suspicious.

When I arrived the parking lot was empty and fucking dark! This was the first red flag for me. Do you remember the guy that I told you who ended up in an empty parking lot and got robbed? If you don’t, at that point I was remembering him and I told myself, dude! Don’t be that guy.

I drove around the building, on the far right, behind the church building, I noticed a car with two guys in it. I was driving slowly to see if I can see anyone at the church. They got out of the car as soon as they saw me and looked at me. I looked at them and passed them. I stopped under the streetlight, where everyone could see me, and then I dialed the cell number and got this message: “the number you dialed does not exist.” another red flag. So, I drove to the next safe place, Jack in the Box!

You know you are so desperate when your safe place is Jack in the Box parking lot. I called the number one more time, and got the same message. So, I called the store and explained the situation and they asked me to come back; canceled the order, and an army of hungry drivers, were delighted!

P.S.: Before you start driving, check out where you are going on Google maps. It takes a few seconds, but you would know, if it is a house, apartment, school, funeral home, IHOP (I have a story to tell about IHOP as well) or an empty parking lot. Whatever you do my fellow drivers, DO NOT go to empty parking lot!

Trailer Park Delivery

January 11, 2019March 25, 2021 by Inherently Funny Guy!, posted in Pizza Delivery Stories!

I think it was my first or maybe the second night that I was delivering solo, and it was a busy night. I had two separate orders to deliver, and I went to the nearest one first – obviously!

The hardest part of the job is delivering to apartments. Houses are usually easier, unless you end up in a dark neighborhood and the house number and the actual house are both the same color or dark colors, or they don’t leave the porch light on. People! Drivers use Google Maps and GPS, but we don’t have night vision goggles, OK?

Anyway, I was saying that I drove to the nearest location and it was mobile homes or as I want to call it a trailer park. There were about 30 trailers, and they all had a the same address, but different trailer numbers. I was looking for number 7. There were three different entrances and not all trailers had numbers or at least they were not visible. I tried to find it and couldn’t.

At this point, I was a tad scared, but more frustrated. So, I found a street light, and looked at the delivery slip. Fucking great! It was a new customer and it was a cash order. I called the phone number on the delivery slip… “the number you have dialed does not exist.” Oh crap! Now I was scared. It had all the elements of a suspicious order and I was the driver. (Remember when I told you we spoke too soon earlier?)

I tried to keep calm and dialed again. This time, it went to Google voicemail. No fucking way I was going to spend any more time in this sketchy neighborhood. So, I called my manager to explain the situation and see what should I do. While I was talking to him, a voicemail came in and it was the customer. So, I called him back, and it went to fucking voicemail again….but after few seconds he answered:

Me: Hi. This is Joe, your pizza delivery driver. I’m in your neighborhood, but I’m having a hard time finding your “home” (more like a fucking trailer, I tried to be respectful, because I love my life)
Him: Did you…
Me: Yes, I took this street and turned…
Him: Did you listen to me?
Me: Sorry Sir.
Him: LISTEN TO ME! Take the second entry.
Me: Okay Sir. I just turned in to the second entry on my left.
Him: OK. Now there is bump.
Me: Yes I can see that.
Him: Past that.
Me: Just did.
Him: You just passed me.
Me: Sorry about that, but where are you? (It was so fucking dark)

Finally, I saw a gal waving at me. So I took off, and ran toward the door. I apologized for delay and started to give her the orders. Oh Shit! While I was giving her the pizzas, I remembered that I left my windows and door open, the car was running and keys were in it, my cell phone was in there too – these were all the things they told us NOT TO DO in those stupid training videos and I did them all in that sketchy neighborhood – fucking great!

I could feel cold sweat running on my back. I was thinking that I wasn’t going to make it out alive and I wasn’t going to see my family again, so I started to review all of the good times I had had…

The gal: Here you go

She handed me the signed ticket, and I grabbed it and ran to my car. Ooffff! It was still there…my beautiful, sexy car was still there – I’m a fucking survivor! As soon as I turned on to the main street and was sitting at a red light, I checked the ticket because I was curious how much she tipped me… $0.00 You know what? I didn’t even care, I had made it out of there alive.

P.S.: I have a dashcam and I had a video and the whole phone conversation recorded with the guy. Alas, by the time I wrote this blog, the video was overwritten. It would have been a hilarious addition to this post. Maybe I could even sell it to the pizza chain and they could have used it as a real life training example.